Lost Love
by Citywriter84
Summary: Remus is devastated after Sirius is gone and no one else seems to mourn Sirius as he does. No one that is, except for Tonks. Tonks wishes to help him reconcile himself to his bereavement, but who could possibly take Sirius' place in Remus' heart? 100% canon compliant, for lovers of the wolfstar pairing only.


**Tragedy**

Remus knew he would never be the same again, now that Sirius was gone. He had to reconcile himself to it. Whatever his faults, Sirius had been the one true love of his life and now he was gone, forever. It was as though Remus' life had ended, that moment Sirius slipped through the veil. Dumbledore had seemed to forget about him now that he was no longer relevant to his schemes and made no real attempt to get an official pardon for him. Remus felt that it should have been arranged, even though Sirius was dead. It was as though Dumbledore had forgotten Sirius ever existed as he held a meeting of the Order as the second war begun.

"Certain critics of our's have referred to the present situation as a mere - ah - gang rumble," Dumbledore told them. "I assure you, that it is nothing of the kind. Rather, it is a time where my brilliance will be crucial to the fate of all the world. Pray excuse my lack of seemly modesty..." Remus saw Aberforth roll his eyes and almost snorted in laughter, but suddenly he found himself crying quietly. Tonks was sitting next to him, peering at him anxiously. She slipped her hand into his, for which he felt grateful. The others were too self-absorbed to remember Sirius, but perhaps Tonks would be different. She had been his cousin, after all.

"Are you OK?" she whispered.

With an effort, Remus forced himself to stop crying and attempted a tight lipped smile. After the meeting and sermon on the greatness of Albus Dumbledore, Tonks cornered him again.

"Remus, I know you're not well," she said, her dark eyes uncharacteristically serious. "Come take a cappucino with me?"

Remus complied. At least Tonks seemed to understand him. No one else did. Even Harry had all but forgotten Sirius after a week of raging about it. Not that he blamed the boy. He never really got to know Sirius, he had only been attached to an idealised image of him. Remus had loved Sirius for himself, despite his recklessness and the deadly pranks he had played.

Remus and Tonks sat opposite one another at a small table in a starbucks near Raynes Park Station. Tonks was still looking at him intently, the golden late evening sunshine illuminating her pale, heart shaped face and vividly pink hair.

"I know you experienced unrequited love Remus," she said baldly. "Now its too late for anything to come of it. You need to talk about it, or you may fall ill. You can talk to me. I do care."

"I knew and loved Sirius since before you were born, dear Tonks," said Remus. "Now he is taken away, it is as though a part of me left with him through the veil."

"I _feel_ your pain. Your life has been so tragic," said Tonks, her bottom lip trembling. "I am such a sucker for stories of doomed love - with tragedy and romance. I mean, comedy is my thing as well, but romance and tragedy in your life make a great combination. I was a Sirius and Remus shipper - a fangirl of both of you. Now half of my favourite ship is lost and I want to comfort you," she clasped his hand and pressed it against her cheek. "I love you Remus," she said. "We could still be happy - together."

Remus hastily took his hand away and got to his feet. How to respond to that? He was not attracted to women! Their genitalia were so ugly. What could he say?

"I don't think that would work Tonks," he said hastily and left the shop as her bottom lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears.

But that was not the end of it. Not by any means. Just days later, Remus was visiting the Burrow to rendez-vous with Arthur about the werewolf spying he did that never seemed to be amounting to anything. Molly confronted him, an angry look in her eye. He wondered what could possibly be the matter. Molly had a temper, but she never directed it at him. Mundungus Fletcher was a much more obvious target.

"_Dear_ Tonks was just here Remus," she told him. "I understand you have been getting cold feet about your relationship."

Remus blinked. "Relationship? I'm afraid I don't follow. Tonks and I have no relationship."

Molly leaned forward and hissed at him in displeasure. "The poor girl's breaking her heart over this! She can't even morph anymore. What do you mean by getting her hopes up like that and then dashing them to pieces."

Remus rubbed his temples in frustration. What had Tonks been telling Molly? He hoped he had not left her in any doubt that the two of them could never have a relationship, especially given that his heart still belonged to his dearest departed Sirius. What sort of misunderstanding could have arisen and how could he dispel it?

* * *

><p>This was not the last he heard of it either. He had to go into the wilderness once again in order to resume his futile attempts to recruit werewolves to the Order, although this would have no relevance whatsoever to the final battle. Hagrid escorted him to the outskirts of the wilderness. "This is where yer mus' go on alone, Remus," said Hagrid. "But just know that Tonks is takin' this very hard."<p>

"Right Hagrid," said Remus disinterestedly as he left once again.

What with all the dangerous, futile spying missions Dumbledore sent him one, Remus saw very little of the rest of the magical world. He often wondered whether these missions were a passive aggressive gesture from Dumbledore for betraying his trust back when he and the Marauders had been at school. The subject of reconciliation with the werewolves would be totally forgotten the next year, just like the subject of the Sorting Hat's plea for inter-house unity.

Remus did receive communications from Order members on occasion and they always seemed to be about how Tonks was pining for him. He paid little enough attention to these, except to reply whenever he could and let them know that he was too old to be an item with Tonks, not to mention too poor and too dangerous. However, the stress of his shadowy missions amongst the werewolves occupied his mind much more.

That summer, tragedy struck. Dumbledore was struck down by Severus Snape and the Order was left leaderless. The other Death Eaters attacked Hogwarts as well, but this proved to be strangely pointless, as they left immediately afterwards making no clear impact on the school as a whole except to demolish the Gryffindor point measuring hourglass.

Bill Weasley however did suffer lasting effects from their intrusion. The moon was not full that night, but Fenrir Greyback had a lust for carnage that could not be sated once a month. Although he was in his human form, he savaged Bill and left his face badly scarred.

Molly Weaslely was sobbing in a mother's grief, while Fawkes, Dumbledore's Phoenix who might have been able to heal Bill did no more than sing a lament for Dumbledore and then leave Hogwart's forever. Even in death, Dumbledore had to take centre stage.

Molly bemoaned the fact that Bill had been due to marry the lovely Fleur Delacour. Fleur angrily retorted that she still loved Bill and pointed out that she was good looking enough for the two of them. Remus smiled at her nice sense of humour. Certainly if she had wanted to marry Bill despite the fact that this would gain her such dreadful in laws as Ginny and Molly, no amount of scarring could possibly make a difference.

Then Tonks spoke up:

"You see? She still wants to marry him."

This again! "Greyback did not inflict lycanthropy on Bill. The cases are completely different," Remus protested. But Tonks knew what she was about. His relentless fangirl was invoking peer pressure, while there was still an Order to serve as a peer group. Remus was not sure how long that would be without Dumbledore to lead them.

Molly, Arthur and Minerva were all ganging up on him, using the emotional blackmail of how Dumbledore would have been glad for there to be more love in the world. That may have been, but what about forced marriages and emotional blackmail?

In the end, he had to capitulate. As he ruefully acknowledged to himself, only the strongest can go against peer pressure. Their marriage was a quiet, low key affair. Tonks was alight with happiness and she looked quite pretty in a white bridal dress, although she had turned her hair back to shocking pink. They hugged and kissed once they had been proclaimed husband and wife. Now for it, thought Remus. Their wedding night was what he had been dreading. Tonks would expect him to make love to her. He had never been with any woman before, but he knew what they looked like downstairs...

Tonks reclined on the double bed at the Order's special hostel, smiling at him, wearing nothing but pants and a bra.

"Listen Tonks," said Remus, looking away, "I don't think I can do this..."

"Oh no?" came a familiar voice from the bed.

It was Sirius' voice! Remus turned and saw his old friend and the love of his life lying there, just as he had been in his youth, long black hair cascading over his shoulders with a casual elegance that James could never have achieved, his muscular form and perfect, erect manhood just as Remus remembered them.

Forgetting everything else, Remus leapt onto the bed and they rolled around as Sirius tore off Remus' clothes. Sirius then lay invitingly face down on the bed and Remus dribbled bubbles of silky smooth unguent from his wand all over Sirius.

"Why Sirius, you still have skin like silk," said Remus and he massaged the unguent into Sirius' back. Sirius gave little wriggles of pleasure, like a cat, as Remus rubbed him down. Eventually Remus gently inserted his manhood into Sirius, who gave little gasps of pleasure and pain. Remus' seed sprayed forth and he lay down against his old friend, tired out for the time being, but eager to go at it again.

"I know it is not really you, Sirius," said Remus aloud, staring fixedly at the ceiling.

"Quite right, I'm a Metamorphmagus after all," said Sirius in the voice of a girl and Tonks resumed her usual form. Remus could see that her cheeks were flushed, her firm breasts were now showing signs of her arousal and her squirming vulva was clearly visible.

"This is my fertile time," said Tonks, wrinkling her nose, "you put your seed in me in a timely fashion. I knew I could bring you the physical pleasure that you really miss from Sirius. You were just taking a ridiculous attitude."

Remus had to admit that it had been great to feel Sirius again, no matter how. Could this work? Tonks had meant well, certainly and it was clear that she wanted to be the one to fill the gap that Sirius had left in his life. She was one of many fangirls, but she was the one who had done what he would never have thought possible and got him to make love to her.

After the wedding, the Order did not last long. They played taxi service to Harry, rather ineptly, one last time and then folded. Tonks and Remus continued their curious sex life, with Tonks morphing into a simulacrum of Sirius each time. Within three weeks however, it was confirmed that Tonks was pregnant and could not safely morph any longer. Then came the second catastrophe in six weeks - the Death Eaters took over the Ministry in a coup that they could have carried out at any point over the previous two years!

Remus could not remain shackled in marriage to a witch. He decided that he must flee and throw all his repsonsilbilities to the wind...


End file.
